In all my years I can’t remember the amount of times I’ve put something I really liked to, or wanted to do, aside for something else. A lot of times simply because I thought I wasn’t good enough or deserved them. Often enough those things were more important, but it all comes back to putting myself aside for others, and other things – something I got from my mom.
Setting aside my desires, wants, and even needs, hasn’t done me or dealing with my low self-esteem issues much good. For so long I’ve felt not worthy or important enough to get the things I wanted or feel happy when there were other things demanding my attention as well.
Luckily, in the last few years I have learned a lot about my mental illnesses, how they can warp my thoughts and how to recognize the negativity to hopefully make the impact less. There is still a long way to go, but I’ve gotten to a point where I’m much more able to stand up for myself and what I need, and sometimes want, to function in the world.
Now I’m here picking up several things that have been put on the back burner for too long, and focusing on being healthy both physically and mentally. I’ve finally realized that I do matter, and deserve to be happy. I also took my own advice I’ve given plenty of times to others: you need to take care of yourself before you are able to take care of others.
This is my New Year, and my resolutions are to take time for my passions, put in some extra effort to be healthy, work on being happy, and most of all learn to love myself more and more because I matter.
After a string of frustrating months dealing with a bad situation at home, and the last few horrible weeks losing a lot of people I thought were friends, I am trying again. This is for me.
Today not only marks my birthday, but a new chapter in my life, filled with happiness, new adventures, feeling better in my skin, and writing my first book.
Hopefully I’ll see you around on my journey to share in my joy, or get something out of the sad and bad moments.