One of the most important things that has helped me out so much already, is having a handful of people around that care about me. Finding those people, however, hasn’t been easy and has brought along a lot of heartache, worrying, paranoia and distrust over the years. In fact, that’s one way how my PTSD developed.
I’ve always had issues holding on to friends, and for a very long time I thought it was always my fault when someone turned on me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have my issues and that I can be a handful. Whenever I meet someone new and that I really enjoy talking to, I get excited easily and put my trust in them pretty quickly. I can get clingy sometimes and very talkative, which not everyone is equipped to handle well.
It always starts off great, and some mutual interests are established to a point where I’m told I can always come to them if I need to talk, which is always recipricated. That is, until that time comes around and I do just that.
Things get ugly pretty fast, when it turns out they didn’t actually mean it. Then when I tone it down, they give me a second chance I only talk to them occasionally, but in the end I get blamed for not “fixing” very serious issues in the matter of a few days, and ultimately get judged for my illnesses. Queue betrayed trust, and a broken heart (because of my BPD my emotions often go to an extreme). Just recently I lost a small group of supposed friends; A sad situation, with the inevitable hurt and needed recovery time, but in the end I’m better off without their toxicity.
Which is a very, very important lesson to take away from this: You are better off without the people who don’t support you, who write you off for a mental illness, and that make up stories to hurt you and excuses to push you out of their lives, even if they seem nice people and you’ve had great conversations with them before.
Then come in those amazing people who don’t judge me for something I can’t always control, and I can’t commend them more. The world would be a better place if people were more like them, and the stigma of mental illnesses would be significantly less.
Having them around is so freeing. I don’t have to walk on eggshells when talking to them, or wonder when they’ll up and leave – although my PTSD does like to remind me often that it’s always a possibility. I’ve never been one to give up, no matter what, but they make it easier to pick myself up when I’ve fallen and just keep going.
Just a few days ago I had one of the best nights I’ve had in years because of them. I was happy and carefree and it gave me hope that I’m on the right path to learning to live with my illnesses and improving on them, and that the right people actually do come along and stick around. To them, if you are reading this (even though I’ve already told you this), I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such wonderful people and accepting me for the person that I am, and willing to support me with the issues I am going through.
Like they have told me before – even though I had a hard time believing it at the time – I am telling you now: the right people who care for you, regardless of your flaws, will come around and stick with you. Those others who blame you and judge you aren’t worth keeping around. Though I know it isn’t always an easy process, so I hope you’ll find this as an opportunity to reach out to a listening and non-judgemental ear. My information is on the contact page and at the bottom of the website. You’re also always free to leave comments, and I will get back to you as soon as I can.